The Legend of the Boneknapper Dragon
by Catnip-Packet
Summary: It searches for the perfect bone to build its coat of armour...its roar is so fierce, it can melt the flesh right off your bones...and it's awesome! All rights go to Dreamworks, I'm just having a little fun...
1. Hunting for a Myth

_Well, I promised I would do it, so here it is! Again, if you spot any script errors, please tell me. I've only seen it three times, and the recording I made with my MP3 didn't catch every word they said. Thank you in advance!_

* * *

**The Legend of the Boneknapper Dragon**

* * *

**Chapter One: Hunting for a Myth**

A week or so ago, it was not uncommon to wake up to a cacophony of noise outside, rush out your door, and see a house on fire. It was also not uncommon to see dragons flying around above the fire. This was normal.

Now, everything that used to be normal...wasn't. A dragon setting fire to a house was extremely unusual. Which is why Hiccup was feeling unpleasantly surprised and confused to be riding Toothless above Gobber's blazing house in the wee hours of the morning, dumping buckets of water and sand on the flames.

"FIRE!" a Viking on the ground screamed. More dragons flew up to the house in teams, each with a rider on their back, and took it in turns to drop sand on the flaming structure.

Chief Stoick the Vast stood on the ground, shouting orders at the sky. Astrid swooped down on her Nadder and let a giant bucket of sand fly.

"Gronkles!" roared Stoick, "Aim for the roof!"

"I'm on it!" a blonde Viking called, leading a formation of Gronkles over the house and coating the flames in sand. "Yeah!" cheered the team of Vikings as most of the flames died.

Toothless swooped down to the ground for a landing, and Hiccup jumped off his dragon's back as Toothless neared the ground. Landing evenly on his prosthetic, he ran up to his dad, who was yelling, "Good one! Just a few more hot spots left!"

"Where's Gobber?" Hiccup asked worriedly. "Is he still inside?"

Stoick turned to his son. "No," he said gravely, "We can't find him."

"I'm right here!" came Gobber's angry voice from the burnt remains of his house. Gobber emerged from his house, pushing a wheelbarrow filled with charred belongings. "That beast will pay for this!" he swore, hobbling toward Stoick.

"Gobber, what happened?" Stoick said urgently.

"What does it look like?" Gobber exclaimed, "A dragon set my home on fire!"

All the nearby Vikings looked at Gobber in confusion as he shook his fist at the early morning sky and yelled, "YOU'VE PUSHED ME TOO FAR THIS TIME, YOU UGLY BAG OF BONES!"

Hiccup frowned in confusion and turned to Stoick, who let out a heavy sigh. "Dad, what's he talking about? Our dragons don't do that anymore."

Stoick shot Hiccup an exasperated look. "Ah, he doesn't mean one of yours." He turned to Gobber with the same exasperated expression and said, "Gobber, for the last time, there is no such thing as a—"

Gobber interrupted him. "A _Boneknapper_?" Gobber yelled, with an expression that clearly said 'I'm not crazy, so _why won't you believe me_?'

All the adult Vikings in the crowd relaxed and shook their heads in amusement, whispering to each other about Gobber's sanity. Obviously they had heard this story before.

Tuffnut glanced at his twin and laughed sarcastically along with the other Vikings, but eventually had to ask: "The _what_-knapper?"

Gobber swung his left arm, which bore a wicked-looking hook, though the air and advanced on Tuffnut. "Disgusting, foul beast," he said menacingly, "Wearing a coat of stolen bones like a giant, flying, _skeleton_."

"Oh!" Fishlegs piped up excitedly, scurrying up to Tuffnut, who was staring at Gobber with a look of disbelief, "The Dragon Manual says that the Boneknapper will stop at _nothing_ to find the perfect bone to build its coat of armour! It's…_AWESOME_!" he exclaimed.

"Come on!" Stoick interrupted, "It's a myth!" He laughed. "It doesn't even exist!"

"I'm telling you!" Gobber protested, "It's real! I've been running from him my whole life! He's the one who started this fire!" he finished, with great conviction.

At this moment, a tall Viking holding a large piece of blackened, charred material on a stick approached Stoick. "Stoick," he said, trying to sound formal, "We found Gobber's underpants hanging from the stove. They must have started the fire."

All the surrounding Vikings except Gobber and Hiccup erupted in gales of laughter. Chuckling under his breath, Stoick turned to Gobber. "Still think it's the Boneknapper, or just your underpants?"

"I don't _think_!" Gobber said loudly, "I _KNOW_! Somehow he found me again!" He lowered his voice. "This dragon is pure evil."

Stoick held up a hand to stop his friend. "Gobber," he said wearily, "It's late, and we're too tired for your stories. Get some rest."

"_You_ rest!" retorted Gobber, gripping the handles of his wheelbarrow, "I'm putting an end to this." He turned and began to walk away from the crowd. "C'mon, Phil," he said to a sheep who was calmly chewing a mouthful of grass, "We don't need their help anyway." Phil bleated and followed Gobber down to the dock.

Hiccup watched Gobber walk away from the village. True, he didn't really believe Gobber's tales. The burned underpants were proof that the Boneknapper—if there even _was_ a Boneknapper—had nothing to do with the fire. But still, Gobber was Hiccup's friend. Hiccup did not desert a friend who needed help. Hiccup sighed. "I can't let him go by himself," he murmured. He turned around and pointed at the rest of the kids, who were staring at him, waiting to see what his next move would be. "Alright, Vikings," Hiccup said, "Grab your shields."

The twins, Fishlegs, and Astrid all grinned. "_Yes_!" they exclaimed in unison.

Snotlout crossed his arms and stared at Hiccup with narrowed eyes. "There's no way," he stated, "I'm getting on a boat to go after a fake dragon."

* * *

Snotlout, sitting behind Hiccup on the longship, grunted as he strained to lift his oar to row through the thick waves of icy sea.

"C'mon, put your backs into it, you lazy dogs!" bellowed Gobber, who was rowing with one hand as he stood at the head of the boat and surveyed the kids. "Stroke! You're not even trying! _Stroke!_"

Hiccup leaned back slightly to address Snotlout. "How fun is this, right?" he said optimistically, "We got the team back together, another adventure…" He set his oar down in his lap for a short break. "This is pretty cool."

Snotlout leaned forward so Hiccup could see his sarcastic smile. "Yep, nothing cooler than rowing until your hands bleed."

Gobber paused his stream of insults for a second to say, "I just want you kids to know that it touches my heart, you helping me slay the Boneknapper." He dabbed at the corner of his eye with a finger. "True Vikings, you are," he said in a choked voice.

Ruffnut, panting with exertion, called from the back of the boat, "Gobber, are we there yet?"

Fishlegs, sitting behind Snotlout, answered the female twin. "You'll know we're close," he said enthusiastically, "When your ears _explode_ from its piercing screams. Legend says this dragon's roar is so fierce, it can melt the flesh _right off your bones_."

"Not so, Fishlegs," Gobber interjected.

Fishlegs looked up, surprised. No one had ever questioned his knowledge before. "Huh?"

"The Boneknapper has no roar at all!" Gobber informed them, "That's why he's terrifying!" Gobber lowered his voice and said menacingly, "He's a silent killer."

"Wait…" said Ruffnut, setting down her oar, "So if we don't hear anything, we're dead?"

Everyone stopped rowing and fell silent. The only noise was the lapping of the waves against the sides of the boat and the distant cries of sea-birds. "I don't hear anything," Tuffnut whispered.

From the back of the boat, Phil bleated loudly into the silence. Everyone screamed and pitched forward in their seats. Gobber burst out laughing. "Good one, Phil!" he praised the sheep. "Ha, ha, ha…eh…" he stopped laughing as the kids shot him dirty looks, "Did I ever tell you about the first time I met the dreaded Boneknapper?" he asked, changing topics.

* * *

_A longship sailed through icy waters laden with enormous glaciers. Rowing the boat were two male Vikings; one a great, muscular man with a long moustache and a serious expression, the other his son, a large Viking lad with shoulder-length blond hair and a happy smile. In his youth, Gobber still had all of his limbs and maintained all the innocence of a little boy holding an axe. Gobber's mother, a short, squat woman with carrot-coloured hair, sat in the middle of the ship, holding a shield._

"I was a young lad, about your age, on Summer Vacation with my family," began Gobber, nicely setting the scene, "When I heard the call of nature."

_Gobber's eyes widened and he squeezed his legs together uncomfortably. "Oh! Dad! Pull the boat over" he called, leaping off the boat onto one of the ice platforms. "Didn't I tell you to go before we left?" Gobber's dad yelled irratibly as his son dashed into an ice cave to do his business._

_When Gobber was finished, he pulled up his trousers, lifted his axe over his shoulder, and turned to go, when he caught sight of something and gasped._

"I saw an army of Vikings, frozen in battle!" Gobber described.

_Gobber stood facing an enormous wall of ice. Vikings were stuck in various battle poses in the ice like berries in jello. One of the Vikings nearer to the bottom of the ice wall had his arm extended toward Gobber. In his hand was a small treasure chest._

"Clutched in the fingers of one of the Vikings was a small treasure chest! I _had_ to have it."

_Gobber's eye twitched as he gazed at the chest. He lifted his axe above his head and let out a yell as his brought it down hard onto the ice. The ice shattered, creating a hole large enough for Gobber to reach in and grab the chest._

"I reached in a pulled out the chest! It was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!" Gobber said dreamily.

_Gobber lifted the lid of the chest and golden light spilled out. Gobber's young blue eyes widened in awe as he gazed in wonder at what was inside. Suddenly, something grabbed Gobber's arm and started yelling something in a muffled voice. Gobber yelled in shock as he saw the hand of the frozen Viking gripping his arm. Gobber made a fist with his hand and tried to punch the Viking's arm, but the Viking steered Gobber's fist toward his face and repeatedly punched Gobber in the face._

"But the frozen Viking was alive!" Gobber continued, "He started punching me! In the face!"

_The Viking punched Gobber one last time, and something large and white fell from the bottom of Gobber's mouth. "Oh!" Gobber cried, stretching back his bottom lip and trying to peer into his mouth at the empty space where his tooth used to be. "My tooth!"_

_The frozen Viking continued yelling. Gobber glanced at the frozen Viking, who pointed his un-frozen arm at something in the sky. Gobber turned and his jaw, minus one tooth, dropped._

"And there it was!" Gobber exclaimed, enjoying telling his story, "I never even heard it coming! The Boneknapper!"

_The Boneknapper flew at Gobber, its talons ready to strike. Gobber dove out of the way in the nick of time, and the dragon crashed into the wall of frozen Vikings. The wall shattered, and chunks of ice, each with a frozen Viking within, began to fall._

"It crashed into the glacier, causing an avalanche of frozen Vikings!"

_As Gobber ran, trying to keep ahead of the avalanche, he tripped, and the treasure flew out of his hands. "AH!" Gobber cried, as the treasure fell off the edge of the ice and into the water, "THE TREASURE!" Gobber scrambled to the edge of the ice and plunged his hand in. He sighed with relief as his numb fingers closed around the chest. But then he cried out as something grabbed his arm from deep below the surface of the water. He pulled the chest out of the water, and gripping his arm was the same Viking, still frozen in his block of ice._

"I reached into the water, only to find the frozen Viking punching me in the face again!"

_The frozen Viking slammed Gobber's own hand into his face again and again, blackening the boy's eye. Gobber pulled his arm free just as the Boneknapper was swooping in. Gobber leapt away from the dragon, but the dragon's claws latched onto the treasure chest and flew away with Gobber still clutching the other side of the chest. Gobber realized, with half panic, half hope, that the Boneknapper was flying toward another glacier with a crevice just large enough to fit Gobber in its side._

"The Boneknapper wanted that treasure, but I wanted it more!"

_Gobber wrenched the treasure free and curled into a ball, aiming for the crevice. Gobber shot through the crevice, slid through a cave, flew out the other side, slid up and around a slick, curved wall of ice, and was flung into the air. He sailed up, then down, and landed squarely on his seat on his parents' longship. "What took you so long?" complained Gobber's dad. Gobber looked at the treasure in his hands and quickly hid it behind his back, giggling nervously and grinning, displaying an empty space on his lower jaw where his tooth used to be._

* * *

Gobber laughed merrily at his memory while the kids stared at him. "You expect us to believe that a frozen Viking punched you in the face?" Snotlout said in a monotone.

"Yeah!" Gobber exclaimed cheerily. "Twice!"

The kids all rolled their eyes while Hiccup tried to defend Gobber. "Hey, it could happen!"

"What do you mean it could happen? It did! But I outsmarted the silent beast!" Gobber grinned, congratulating himself.

"Um, Gobber?" Fishlegs put in, "I hate to be a stickler for detail, but Boneknappers are _not_ silent."

"Fishlegs," Gobber said, annoyed, "I know what I didn't hear! Ah, but I could feel it. I have a sixth sense for danger…"

Fishlegs, who suddenly was not paying attention to Gobber anymore, peered over the side of the boat and said anxiously, "Um, guys? Are there supposed to be…uh…" His voice became more panicked. "Okay, I-I-I really think we're going to hit these…"

Gobber was still talking. "I can _smell_ it, _taste_ the oncoming doom…"

"No I think we're going to hit these—" whined Fishlegs.

Despite being able to taste the oncoming doom, Gobber had failed to realize that the boat was now sailing through dangerous waters. Jagged rocks sporadically jutted out of the water, and even though the boat had managed to evade most of them, it couldn't go on forever. With a loud, jarring crash, the boat became intimately familiar with one of the rock formations, sending everyone flying out of their seats and onto the deck of the boat.

Tuffnut, who had recovered first, peered off the side of the boat and grinned. "Whoa…"

"Uh, I'm tasting rocks," Astrid said to Gobber, staring at the damage the rocks had done to the boat. The only ones who didn't seem worried about the crash were Phil and Gobber, the latter of which was smiling broadly. "Ah," he said, squinting into the fog. "We're here."

* * *

_Sounds like fun, doesn't it? Who wouldn't want to be shipwrecked on an unknown island with a sheep and seven Vikings searching for a seemingly fake dragon? _

_I'll try and get the next chapter up as soon as I can. Maybe sometime this weekend. And then we can get to all those beloved hammer-headed animals..._


	2. Flashbacks

******Chapter Two: Flashbacks**

The longship was slowly sinking. Ruffnut watched the last bit of the boat disappear beneath the waves and groaned. "Now we're stuck in the middle of nowhere," she complained, walking back to the group, who all looked as annoyed as she was, "And no one even knows where we are!"

Fishlegs leaned down and picked up a large bone that looked too big to be from an animal. "Uh…ex-except the Boneknapper!" he stammered, "Legend says its roar can sh—"

"Hey!" interrupted Snotlout, who was fed up with Fishlegs's nattering, "You know what legend also says? Stop talking!"

Fishlegs glared at Snotlout. "Just hold on one darn second—!"

Phil bleated nervously. It looked like a full-fledged argument would have broken out if Gobber's careless voice had not interrupted them. "No need to panic, kids!" Gobber declared, not sounding worried at all, "I've been shipwrecked many times!"

"Oh!" Hiccup said sarcastically, "Well that's comforting."

Gobber sighed, somewhat dreamily. "Ahh…you never forget your first shipwreck…"

* * *

_Gobber looked around, assessing the situation. It didn't look very good._

"I was stranded on an island," Gobber explained. "With only my broom!"

_Gobber brought his arm out from behind his back and groaned as he saw a broom attached to it instead of something handy like an axe. _

"It was a very small island," remembered Gobber.

_The island Gobber was standing on was about the side of a large shield. A single palm tree grew off to the side. Things got worse as Gobber looked up into the sky and frowned as he saw a familiar shape wheeling through the air. _

"It's no wonder the Boneknapper found me again. He never forgave me for taking that treasure."

_The Boneknapper swooped down to grab Gobber, but Gobber ducked just in time. The Boneknapper's sharp talons snapped the palm tree in half and flew back into the sky to try again. Gobber, feeling that this time there was a chance that he might not make it, looked around him in desperation, and saw, to his delight, another island, considerably larger than his. Gobber's eyes lit up. He had an escape route!_

"There was another island. My only escape! But I was surrounded…"

_Gobber's smile dimmed as thousands of sleek, black shaped popped out of the water and bared foot-long, razor sharp teeth at him._

"…by bloodthirsty hammerhead sharks!" Gobber said in excitement, "I only had one chance! So I ran across the shark-infested waters!"

_Gobber leaped off the tiny island and began to hop from shark to shark toward the larger island, fighting off any sharks that lashed out at him as he ran. "Take that!" Gobber yelled, punching a giant shark, "Watch it! Night-night, fatty!" An enormous shark snapped its teeth inches from Gobber's face, but Gobber merely scrubbed at the shark's fangs with his broom and said merrily, "Someone forgot to brush!" in a sing-song voice. _

_Gobber was going fast and the sharks weren't slowing him down, but as fast as he was, the Boneknapper was faster. It dove at him, talons bared, ready to grab the hapless Viking. Gobber looked back at the dragon nervously, and then back at the island. There was a chance he could still make it…_

"I didn't think I was gonna make it!" Gobber said, "When then, from the depths of the ocean, burst forth…"

_As Gobber's feet touched the sandy ground of the island, something enormous and blue erupted from the ocean and launched itself, jaws bared, at the Boneknapper, emitting an eerie noise from its throat like a muffled roar of fury._

"_A giant hammerhead whale_!" Gobber cried, hugely enjoying his story.

* * *

"Whoa!" Fishlegs laughed with astonishment, "And the hammerhead whale ate the Boneknapper?"

"Almost!" said Gobber, grinning at his student's enthusiasm, "But he got away. Years later, the dragon hunted me down again and chased me into the jungle…"

* * *

_Gobber, panting hard, quickly glanced behind him to check if he was still being followed. Sure enough, there it was, proving itself just as fast on foot as it was by wing. He held up his arm to see what he had with him this time. This object made him grin._

"All I had was my trusty eggbeater!" Gobber recalled.

_Gobber quickly began to crank the handle on the eggbeater, beating not eggs, but the foliage of the jungle. _

"I carved through that thick brush as fast as a jungle cat! Still, the Boneknapper was right behind me!"

_Gobber slashed through a row of bamboo sprouts and dashed on, when he suddenly screeched to a halt, stopping in front of a group of little pink flowers growing on the ground. "Mmm!" Gobber said, picking a flower and sniffing it as if he had all the time in the world, "Azaleas!" He quickly dropped the azalea he was holding and sprinted off as the Boneknapper caught up with him._

_Gobber burst out of the thick jungle and out into open air. He began to sprint up the side of a volcano that was so steep he was almost horizontal. The Boneknapper was right behind him._

"I ran up the side of a volcano and courageously leaped across the fiery crater!"

_Gobber, without hesitation, jumped over the bubbling pit of lava below him. As he sailed towards safety on the other end, the Boneknapper spread its wings and took to the air. It swooped in on Gobber. _

"And then, deep within the burning volcano, burst forth…"

_Suddenly, a dark, hairy shape flung itself out of the lava and toward the Boneknapper, teeth bared as it neared the skeletal dragon._

"_A giant hammerhead yak_!" Gobber exclaimed.

* * *

"Okay, wait a minute," came Tuffnut's flat voice before Gobber could continue, "Now you're saying a giant hammerhead yak _leaped out of a fiery volcano_ and _ate_ the Boneknapper?"

"Ha! You would've thought so, wouldn't you?" Gobber said in frustration, not detecting any sarcasm in the twin's voice at all, "But the Boneknapper got away again! I knew that bony scoundrel would keep coming after me…"

* * *

_Gobber was in the forest, setting up several traps for the Boneknapper. He hung an enormous metal spike-ball up in the trees, and set up several enormous leg-hold traps on the ground. _

"…so I set up a gauntlet of traps…"

_Gobber, finally finished, sat down in front of the traps on a chair and began to softly strum a guitar that was attached to his arm. Gobber's fingers moved over the strings quite skillfully as he waited._

"…and waited for the beast."

_A few seconds into the song, the Boneknapper finally appeared. Gobber quickly leaped off the chair and jumped nimbly over the traps, grinning as the Boneknapper followed him._

"And when he was ready, he charged! And then I ran like the wind! But the traps _failed_!"

_Gobber had started out grinning, but he wasn't anymore. Instead of the traps snapping onto the Boneknapper's ankles like they were supposed to, they snapped on thin air as the Boneknapper yanked its feet away just in time. The spike-ball didn't even move. Gobber's face fell as he realized his traps were failing. He ran faster, but as he barreled out of the forest, he screeched to a halt._

_He was inches from falling off the steepest cliff he had ever seen. Flecks of snow and rock fell off the edge of the cliff where Gobber's feet had been and plummeted to the ground below. Gobber didn't know what to do. If he jumped, he would surely die, but if he stayed, the Boneknapper would get him. What to do? What to do?_

_Before he had time to decide, the Boneknapper caught up with him and closed its claws around Gobber's body, pinning his arms to his sides. Gobber struggled, but he was stuck fast._

"Then he captured me. I did what any brave Viking would do."

"_HEEEEEELP!" shrieked Gobber in a high-pitched voice._

_Up in the sky, the clouds parted to reveal a giant muscle-bound man with a golden helmet. He flexed his arms and more muscles popped up from nowhere. Gobber almost forgot about the Boneknapper as he 'oohed' and 'ahhed' at his hero._

"The Gods must have heard my prayer. It was Thor!"

_Thor reached into the clouds and picked up an enormous lightning bolt._

"He tossed a mighty fire bolt."

_Thor hurled the lightning bolt toward the ground. It missed the cliff by a few feet and plummeted to the ground. Both Gobber and the Boneknapper followed the bolt of lightning with their eyes until it finally exploded on the ground below, creating a gaping crater in the ground. "Aw!" Gobber exclaimed, with annoyance and disbelief, "You MISSED!"_

_Thor held up one gigantic finger. "Wait for it…" he warned. Still skeptical, Gobber peered down into the crater, waiting for something to happen. And sure enough…_

"Then, from the center of the Earth, burst forth…"

_Two familiar shapes erupted from the crater._

"_THE HAMMERHEAD YAK _RIDING_ THE HAMMERHEAD WHALE_!" Gobber shouted gleefully.

"_Deploy the yak!" the hammerhead yak said, very formally. The hammerhead whale shot a powerful fountain of water from its spout, shooting the hammerhead yak up onto the cliff. The hammerhead yak launched itself at the Boneknapper and began kicking and punching with some impressive martial arts. The hammerhead whale flew in, roaring, and closed its jaws around not only the Boneknapper, but also a big chunk of the cliff. _

_Gobber looked over the side of the cliff as the hammerhead yak jumped back on the hammerhead whale. The whale turned around and saluted Gobber. Gobber shyly saluted back._

_The hammerhead yak waved one last time, and then they were gone._

_Gobber stood up, threw his arms in the air, and yelled, "YEAH!" Then he hunched over and cried, "Oh, my back!"_

* * *

Everyone was staring at Gobber with disbelief. "Whoa…" Fishlegs gasped, the only one who seemed to be buying it, "The whale saluted you?"

Gobber laughed loudly. "Can you believe it? But the Boneknapper got away _again!_ He found me on Berk, and set fire to my house—"

As Gobber was talking, Snotlout turned to Tuffnut and said, annoyed, "Are you kidding? I don't believe any of this!"

"Yeah, you totally made everything up!" Tuffnut said to Gobber, also annoyed.

"C'mon, Gobber, it's time to get out of here!" Ruffnut complained.

"We need to get home!" Snotlout frowned.

Tuffnut stood up then and said the one thing that everyone had had on their minds ever since Gobber had mentioned the Boneknapper, "You don't even have any proof that that thing exists!"

"Of course I have proof!" Gobber promptly replied, "I still have the treasure!" He stood up and lifted the fringe of his pants to reveal a thin belt with a big white oddly shaped buckle. "This stunning belt buckle! It was in the Viking's treasure chest. It's kept my pants up for years!"

"It is stunning…" Fishlegs said, staring at the belt buckle reverently. Astrid pushed Hiccup forward and crossed her arms, waiting for him to do the talking. Hiccup timidly walked forward. "Ah…listen, Gobber?" Gobber was sharpening his hook, not looking at Hiccup. "Instead of chasing down an imaginary dragon, maybe we should figure out how to get home…" Hiccup suggested.

"Say no more," Gobber said, waving his hook at Hiccup. "I hear you loud and clear; I have a plan. All right…" He grunted as he stood up and waved his hook at the group of kids. "Who'd like to be dragon bait?" he asked. He grinned and pointed toward the center of the group.

Everyone gasped, for a moment thinking that Gobber was pointing at them. Then they followed the direction of Gobber's hook until they were staring at Fishlegs and Phil, who were side by side.

Phil seemed to know why they were looking at him, and he delicately sidled away from Fishlegs, who looked at Gobber nervously. "Huh?"

Gobber grinned. Yes, Fishlegs would be perfect for the job.

* * *

_I just discovered a few days ago that the Boneknapper has its own action figure! Now I've seen them all except Ruffnut. Anybody know if there's a Ruffnut? _


	3. The Boneknapper

_I am soooo incredibly sorry for the long delay. I blame highschool taking up all my time._

_Well, here's the final chapter anyway, before Christmas, like I promised. :) Merry Christmas!_

* * *

**Chapter Three: The Boneknapper**

Fishlegs shuffled nervously. This rope was itching. He was decked out in a makeshift Gobber costume, with bones for the helmet, a yellowing rope wrapped aound his face for the mostache, and a claw in his hand for the hook. He was standing on a pile of bones that was lying beneath an enormous ribcage that was suspended over him with rope. The rope was lopped over a rocky outcrop and lead down to Phil, where it was tied around a bone and held in place by rocks. Phil was chewing on something, looking bored, not acknowledging the fact that with one move of his hoof, he could kick the bone attached to the rope and drop the ribcage over Fishlegs.

"Uh…Gobber?" Fishlegs called to the Viking man nervously, "Are you sure this is safe?"

Gobber dismissed Fishlegs's words with a wave of his hand. "Eh, safety's overrated."

Fishlegs gulped. This was not the answer he wanted to hear.

Gobber walked back to the rest of the kids, who were standing in a circle, waiting for him to get abck to them. "Okay," Gobber began, "Here's the plan. The Boneknapper wants me, right?" He pointed towards a trail off to the side. "He comes down that trail, sees Fishlegs, thinks it's me, rushes Fishlegs—"

Fishlegs let out a yelp of fear at those words.

"Causing Phil to trip that rope, dropping that ribcage—" Gobber pointed to the trap "—and then we rush in and finish him off, once and for all!"

His eager grin was met with disbelieving looks from the kids.

Snotlout leaned over to Ruffnut. "It's sad when they get old."

"Gobber?" Hiccup began, looking annoyed, "You're taking this way too far, okay? You need to face it! There is no such thing as the Boneknapper!"

"Wormsquat!" huffed Gobber. "Now, get into position. WAY TO GO, FISHLEGS!" he called over to him, "YOU"RE DOING FINE!" Gobber and the kids crouched down behind a log to watch Fishlegs from a safe distance.

"No wonder the entire village thinks you're crazy," Snotlout scoffed.

"Hello? Sees dead Vikings?"

Behind them, something appeared out of the fog. Fishlegs's eyes widened to the size of battle shields and let out a ragged gasp. "Uh, guys?" he squeaked.

"Yeah," said Tuffnut, not hearing Fishlegs's silent plea, "Especially that thing about the hammerhead yak."

"Guys!" Fishlegs tried to cry out. This time his voice was a little louder. Oh Gods, it landed…it was walking towards them…it wasn't making any noise at all… "Guys!" Fishlegs cried.

"This is a complete waste of time!" Ruffnut complained.

Everyone broke into annoyed chatter. Oh, _why_ didn't they turn around?

"GUYS!" Fishlegs screamed, pointing wildly behind them. "_GUUUUUUYYSS!_"

Everyone turned to look at him with angry looks on their faces. "_WHAT_?" they yelled at him simultaneously.

Behind them, there was the sound of bones rattling.

Everyone froze.

"It's right behind us, isn't it," Hiccup said in a flat voice.

Everyone slowly turned.

Over fifty feet of mottled green skin and dusty white bone loomed over them. Vivid green eyes stared down at them from behind an enormous white skull. An awful rattling sound was emanating from the beast as it shifted position, causing all its bones to knock together. The Boneknapper growled at them, lifted its head, opened its mouth…

And a squeak came out.

Fishlegs blinked. "Well what do you know? No roar."

The Boneknapper lowered its head and opened its mouth wide. A ball of green gas began to form in its throat. Knowing what was coming, everyone leaped over the log and began running as fast as they could toward Fishlegs. The Boneknapper released a big plume of bright red flame and directed it right at the running Vikings, who barely managed to dodge. "Okay, Gobber!" shrieked Astrid, "We believe you!"

The Boneknapper swung its massive, spiked, clubbed tail, and sent everyone sprawling on top of Fishlegs and the pile of bones. Right under the ribcage.

Phil, not even glancing toward the Vikings, raised a hoof and kicked the bone away.

The ribcage dropped.

"PHIL!" came Gobber's yell of annoyance from underneath the ribcage.

The Boneknapper ran up to the side of the ribcage and opened its mouth again. Everyone quickly scrambled to hide behind a rib. The Boneknapper's fire shot through the slits in the ribcage, surrounding the (just barely) protected Vikings in flames.

Snotlout clasped his hands together and looked up at the sky. "Find a happy place, find a happy place…"

The Boneknapper jumped on top of the ribcage and peered down at the trapped Vikings below, then jumped off and squeaked again.

"Nonononono please!" Fishlegs tried to plead with the Boneknapper, "Don't! Please!"

Hiccup looked up at the Boneknapper, trying to think of a way to get out of this mess, when his eyes fell upon a spot in the middle of the Boneknapper's breastbone. There was an oddly-shaped hole in the Boneknapper's armour. Its shape was familiar. Where had Hiccup seen that before? "Wait…" Hiccup whispered to himself.

Hiccup quickly looked over at Gobber, who was shaking his fist at the dragon and yelling, "Bring it on!" Gobber shifted position, and his belt buckle slipped to the side, giving Hiccup a good look at it. Hiccup looked at the hole in the dragon's breastbone, then back at Gobber's belt buckle. It was a perfect match.

"It searches for the perfect bone to build its coat of armour!" Hiccup exclaimed, his eyes widening in realization. "The treasure!"

Hiccup dashed over to Gobber. "Gobber! Take off your pants!"

Gobber stopped yelling at the Boneknapper and looked at Hiccup strangely. "Huh?"

Astrid, Snotlout, and the rest of the kids whipped around to stare at Hiccup frantically. "NO!"

"Listen to me!" Hiccup protested, looking back at the Boneknapper again, "I think Fishlegs was right! The Boneknapper is supposed to have a roar, but maybe he can't, 'cause the bone he needs is your belt buckle!"

It did make sense. That would be why the Boneknapper was always targeting Gobber. And why it was shaped so strangely. And why the Boneknapper had only started chasing Gobber when he had found the treasure chest. Gobber looked at the ground, trying to figure out what to do. "Gobber, please!" Astrid begged, her mind already changed, "You have to give it back!"

Gobber planted his hands on his hips and said loudly, "No way! It's mine!"

The Boneknapper's snout nosed through the ribcage and closed on Gobber's wooden leg.

Gobber's eyes widened. "Uh-oh."

The Boneknapper yanked Gobber out and began shaking him around. Gobber yelled and tried to break the Boneknapper's strong hold on his leg. "Give him back his bone!" Hiccup yelled.

"No!" Gobber yelled back as the Boneknapper shook him ferociously.

"GIVE HIM BACK HIS BONE!" Hiccup yelled again.

The Boneknapper flung Gobber through the air.

Gobber's face was set. "NOOOOOOOOOOO…ooohh, alright." Gobber reached down, pulled off the bone, and hurled it in the Boneknapper's direction.

By some small miracle, the Bone flew directly into place. Golden light shot from the cracks around the breastbone. The Boneknapper paused and began to shake itself, making sure that the bone was firmly in place. Gobber landed with a crunch in the middle of another pile of bones.

The Boneknapper opened its mouth again. And this time, what came out wasn't a squeak.

Everyone turned their head away and clamped their hands over their ears, cringing as the sound waves sent dust and bones flying in all directions. The roar was so loud that you couldn't hear yourself think, even with your hands over your ears. Hiccup's eardrums were still ringing when the Boneknapper fell silent again.

There was a scuffling of bones, and Gobber emerged, looking shaken but fine. The Boneknapper lowered its head and growled at Gobber.

Hiccup gasped. "Gobber!"

Gobber looked at Hiccup, then at the ground, looking defeated. "Alright," he said to the Boneknapper, closing his eyes. "You've got me. Make it fast."

The Boneknapper lowered its head toward Gobber and began to nuzzle against him, a loud purring sound coming from its throat. Gobber opened his eyes in confusion that he wasn't dead yet and glanced back at the kids.

And, without the belt to support them, Gobber's pants fell down.

The kids groaned and quickly looked away. "Ah, that's going to give me nightmares," moaned Hiccup as Fishlegs made gagging noises behind him.

"Well, said Astrid, gesturing toward the Boneknapper, "at least we have a ride home."

Gobber scratched the Boneknapper under the chin, and the enormous dragon fell over on its side, wagging its tail in the air. "Aren't you cute?" cooed Gobber, "Yes you are. Yes you are!"

* * *

Minutes later, they were airborne. Phil was perched on top of the Boneknapper's head between its horns, still chewing and looking bored. Gobber had the seat of honour, right behind the dragon's head. Hiccup and Astrid were behind him, followed by Snotlout, Fishlegs, and Ruffnut, Tuffnut bringing up the rear. The Boneknapper opened its mouth and let out another roar, but this time it was of happiness.

"Whoo-hoo!" cheered Ruffnut, pumping her fist in the air.

Snotlout turned to Fishlegs and smirked. "You know, I never doubted him," he said, gesturing to Gobber. "I was always like: he's right." Fishlegs rolled his eyes.

Tuffnut shifted uncomfortably in the dragon's spine. "This tailbone is hurting my tailbone."

Hiccup smiled at Gobber. "He sure seems happy to have that bone back."

"Well," said Fishlegs, piping up with some more dragon facts, "legend says that the Boneknapper's roar is it's mating call."

Gobber chuckled. "Oh, that's just a myth!"

An ear-splitting roar vibrated through the air around them. It was not coming from their Boneknapper. Everyone uneasily turned and looked behind them.

Phil bleated fearfully.

"Uh-oh," Gobber said cheerfully, watching four new Boneknappers soar after them, answering their Boneknapper's cry with more loud shrieks, "I think Stoick will believe me now, eh?"


End file.
